Watching TV and reflecting on my week. It's been a gooder for sure. Better then I thought it would be. Here's why.
One of the women who gave me her number, well, we had a date yesterday. and it went very well. Miss "W" is an awesome woman. and I think I like her. She has been through a lot of shit and is honest about it. I like honest. I thrive on honest. I am done with head games. She is around my age (No. I am not telling you her age. Don't even ask.) And I think this makes her a bit more settled in her life. She still has a fun, adventuresome side but it is also tempered with a "been there, done that" attitude. We talked a lot and plan on seeing each other again. And I am looking forward to it. She has also read my blog. And she still wants to see me again. Guess I made a good impression.
This is a chance to learn how to be "me" in a relationship. As Oliver. It will be a new adventure. I feel I have good support from my friends and co workers as well. The Christmas party is coming up next month and Miss "W" is going to be my date. I get to dress in such a way that I am comfortable and she, as any lady will do, is dressing to match me. Or maybe it's me dressing to match her? Either way, I think we will compliment each other nicely.
I wonder how I will do in a relationship with the changes I am making with myself? I know I feel stronger and more confident now then ever before in my life. But I am worried that that I will end up focusing on myself and not paying enough attention to my partner. I know I have made that mistake in the past. And I know it has cost me dearly. I know I have grown a lot in the last few years. And I am aware of the mistakes I've made. Hopefully that will help me to avoid the crash and burn from relationships past.
I think about my family too. How are they dealing with me being public with the changes I'm making? What do they think about it? I did have one cousin and an aunt send me their love. That made me feel good. Even though I am not in regular contact with my siblings, I do want the rest of my family to stay in touch. I don't want to lose them. I want to be able to attend a family get together, with a partner, and feel welcome. Just like I've always been. I may not ever be able to introduce her as my girlfriend, but I still want to be able to be there with her. My family will be respectful. Of that I have no doubt. They have shown it before and always will. But I want to bring someone new into the fold and have them pat me on the back and say "Good job."
These are questions I have asked myself since I came out. There is nothing new about it. I have always wanted acceptance from my family. Friends have always accepted me the way I am. No questions asked. They just go with the flow. Family though,,,,,not sure why it is so different with them. Maybe because most of them have known me my entire life. Or, I have known them their entire life. They have known me one way and now have to adjust to knowing me another way. Will it make a difference to them? I hope not. If anyone should accept you for the way you are, it should be family.
To steal an idea from my friend, Birdman, I am going to close with words of wisdom from now on.
Mamas, don't let you're babies grow up to be cowboys.
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