This is about me. Being me. Learning about me. Trying to be a better me. Or maybe even becoming a new me. I promise to be as honest as possible and that means if I offend someone, well, I'm sorry for that. I can promise you will learn something new about me along the way. It will be a fun and interesting journey. Join me won't you?
I got on stage and lip synced my heart out! In front of people! And they clapped and cheered!
So I am thinking this blog should be re named "Became Oliver."
Well..... maybe not.
But OH MY GOD I had so much fun!!
Here is Oliver Clothesoff in all his glory.
Ain't he a stud or what?!?
We had belly dancers at Pride. I love belly dancers. Take a look.
We were also very lucky to have one of the top drag queens in British Columbia. Ivana B'alone. Here we are together. She has invited me to perform in Prince George in July. It was an honour to have her there for my debut.
Oh! I almost forgot about our "Mistress of Scaremonies" Rawr baby!
Are you all asking the same question?
Yes. Those are real.
And now the moment you have all been waiting for,,,,,,,
Here is my very first performance.
Ladies and gentlemen I give you,,,, Oliver Clothesoff!!
Now remember, this is my first time in front of an audience is over 20 years. My legs were shaking so bad I thought I was going to fall down.
When I got off the stage, I was elated!
I DID IT!!
I pushed myself to my breaking point and leaped over that line! It has been such a long time since I had felt that empowered. I didn't really sleep that night or the next. And I admit, I have watched myself over and over again. And I smile. It's like a drug. That feeling I had afterwards.
I can hardly wait for July!!
Here are a few other random pictures "A" took for me. She was videotographer. Didn't she do an amazing job??
Oh and the girls that were there!! So cute! Too bad there weren't many gay girls. All those straight girls just kept teasing me. With touches and and kisses and vague promises. So not fair! Why? Why would you do that? I left feeling so up and so down at the same time.
The next day, we headed back to the hall to clean up. I came away with a back pocket full of coloured condoms and a giant monkey.
Really. A giant monkey. His name is Wilbur.
Anyway, it has taken me 2 days to write this post because the video took so long to load. And I think I am coming down off my performance high.
The Bro Code Article # 31
When on the prowl, a Bro hits on the hottest chick first because you just never know.
I am freaking out a little. Just a little. I have been busy getting my stuff together for the show tomorrow.
I did not realize just how much I need to get into character.
Two outfits plus a bag full of stuff.
Oh. And my own costume. Plus clothes for Sunday since I am staying the night in Dawson Creek.
I think I am more worried about forgetting something then I am about performing. I suspect the nerves will kick in just before I go on stage.
I am so stoked about doing this. I feel like I did 15 to 20 years ago. Happy and confident. I don't know if it has been the medication or the therapy or both. But whatever it is, it's working.
There are still a few things I would like to work on. Like my weight. It is getting a little out of control. I think the gym is in order. I would also really like to meet someone. Maybe tomorrow night I will. I was told today by a friend (Hi H!) that I am a gentleman. That made me smile.
This is just a short one.
I just needed to vent a little.
I promise I will post pictures and video Sunday or Monday.
Wish me luck.
The Bro code Article # 142
A bro shall seek no revenge if he passes out around his bros and wakes up to find marker all over his face.
Whew! A little less then a week away to Oliver's debut. Yesterday, Tasha and I searched every thrift store in town till we found Oliver's look. Needless to say, he will a fashion icon! Well, in his own mind anyway. I was thinking of posting a picture on here this week, but.....I think I will make you wait. I promise to post a video of the performance after the party next week.
If someone of you are still wondering WTF I am talking about, here is a quick run down.
October 27th is the annual Dawson Creek Pride Society's Pride/Halloween bash. There is a show(that starts at 8 PM) followed by a dance. There is a cash bar, an awesome DJ and great tunes. For the show, there are performers from Prince George coming up as well as some local talent.
I am part of that local talent. My drag king, that I have been working on for the last year, will be making his debut on that wonderful night.
It will be a great time! I promise! So those of you who have no plans for the evening, come on to Dawson Creek! Check out Dawson Creek Pride Society Facebook page for more info. Gay, bi, trans or even straight, it will be a fun time! Plus, you will get to see Oliver! I know everyone has been waiting and waiting for it.
Last weekend, while Tasha and I were in Prince George, we had dinner with my very good friend J. She is a drag king in her own right and my mentor in this endeavour. She gave me some great advice on performing and makeup. I think I will be drawing on her strength, long distance, to get through it. Some days I am so nervous I can't hardly handle it. Over days, I feel like I could do anything.
It has been a long road to get here. It sure hasn't been easy. Some days, I have felt like giving up all together. But I knew couldn't give up. I knew I had to push myself beyond my comfort zone. I had to get out of the rut I was in. and I had to do it in a big way. I knew, for me anyway, baby steps weren't going to work. Like when I came out out of the closet. I kicked down the door and embraced my gayness. It is the same with this. No baby steps. Just leap onto the stage and let it all hang out. It might feel like it is going to kill me. But it won't. I know that after the performance, I will be stronger and better then I am now.
J and I also talked about my thoughts on transitioning. How I have thought about it being a want rather then a need. She congratulated me on thinking the deep thoughts and admitting to myself that it may not be in my best interest. and she said that if I was thinking that way, that it probably isn't right for me. And I agree. There are still certain things I can do to make me feel better about me. The name, my self confidence, my body image. I have to admit to myself that I am not transgender. I am a butch. And building myself into a better butch is the best path for me.
My name is Dustin. I am butch.
I want to thank everyone who has supported me along the way. I don't know where I would be if I didn't have my family and friends supporting me. I know there is still a long road ahead but with you behind me, I know I can do it.
So onto something a little different.
I went to do laundry today. I had my first load in the washer. I looked around and discovered BOTH dryers were out of order. It was too late to stop the washing machine. The clothes were already soaking wet. so I let it run through the wash and rinse cycle. Now what am I going to do to dry the clothes? I am not really into leaving the house to do laundry today.
I used some string I had to run drying lines in the apartment. 3 of them. I am drying my socks, underwear and bras on the string. I also have a few pairs of jammie pants and a couple of t shirts laying a various surfaces to dry.
Here. Take a look.
And I still have two loads to go. *shakes head*
Sometimes I thin I should move to a better building. But I am cheap. I pay very little in rent. And I have been here so long, I don't have to pay a pet deposit. And most others places won't let you have 3 cats. And to be honest, the thought of packing and moving pains me. I just have to remember to check both machines before I start laundry.
OK. I have to go check my underwear. See if it is dry yet.
Sometimes, I love my life.
The Bro code Article 38: Even in a fight to the death, a Bro never punches another Bro in the groin.
So Tasha and I leave at noon on Thursday for Prince George. The trip started awesome! Weather was awesome. We had stopped and picked up some sandwiches and coffee before we left town so we were happily munching away.
Melvin was along for the ride of course. At first he was behaving himself.
Then he got bored. And we know what he is like when he gets bored.
We had a pit stop at the falls . Which was good because I really needed to get out and stretch. Melvin also needed out of the car. He does not do well being confined to a vehicle for any length of time.
Of course, once he was out of the car, he was getting in trouble.
He is such a cheeky monkey. Check out his facebook page for more pictures and antics. Just look for Melvin Sock Carnell.
Anyway, we did what we had to do in Prince George. Which included a lot of shopping. I picked up a couple of things I can use in my debut drag king show on Oct 27th.
Yes. I said the 27th. Which means it is creeping up on me. I am practicing. I think my act is going OK. I am not expecting a super fantastic performance. It will be my first and I am sure I will be super super nervous. But knowing I have people in the audience who are supporting me will help. Well, that and a couple of drinks before I go on stage. :)
For me, the performance is more about pushing myself beyond my comfort level. To do something even a year ago, I wouldn't have done. A way of taking my anxiety and kicking it in the ass.
I was also able to see and have dinner with my friend J who is also a drag king. She gave me some awesome advice on performing. She is my mentor in a lot of things. Whether she knows it or not. I feel she is someone I can turn to for words of advice in all things butch. Thank you my friend.
Back to the trip. So after we finished dinner, Tasha and I hit the highway for the long drive home. It was starting to get dark and it was raining a little bit. I wasn't too worried. I had some concerns about snow in the pass but felt confident we could handle anything that was thrown our way.
Turns out I was right. We were only about a half hour out of the city when it started to rain a bit harder. So I turned on the wipers. And promptly watched the one on the passenger side go flying off the car.
I am serious.
Never had I see that before. Whoosh! Gone! I can only hope it didn't hit the guy behind me. We pulled over as soon as we could and tried to figure out what to do. Then it dawned on me.
I grabbed my dirty sock for the day before, balled it up and used one of Tasha's hair ties to attach it to the wiper arm. I did take a picture but managed to lose it somehow. It worked surprisingly well. Stayed on the entire way home. Needless to say, I am quite proud of myself for such an ingenious idea.
We happily started on our way home again, laughing at the sock, waving at the end of the wiper arm. When all of a sudden, I see two moose on the side of the highway. A mama and a baby. Mama was taking a step onto the highway. I slammed on the brakes and managed to stop in time. Mama and baby decided to go back into the bush.
I think I sharted myself a little bit. I know I was shaking quite a bit.
Thank the angels the rest of the trip was uneventful. I don't think I could have taken much more. We pulled into my place at about midnight. I was happy to be home to say the least.
The best part, we get to do it again at the end of November!
Rest assured, I will be checking Tasha's car from one end to the other to make sure everything is in working order.
And now, a little piece of advice from the Bro Code......
A Bro is always entitled to do something stupid, as long as the rest of his Bros are doing it as well.